Thursday, November 10, 2005

CARELESS WHISPER

Most people who know me would say I act and think mature, an online test that I took actually said that while being 19, I actually act like a 29year old. For some reason, friends almost always brand me as their “ate”, “confidante”, “mommy”, “shoulder to cry on”, “adviser”, dada-dada-dada… and the list goes on. I’m not complaining though sometimes there is this weight of being a so-called “role model”. For the record I am not perfect, not even a tiny weensy itty bit of me is.

Before I may seem to be the “perfect daughter”, one that every mother would love to have, most of the tito’s and tita’s back there would praise me nonstop, some of them would often use me as their example model to compare their kids, friend’s parents would often only allow them to go out for our occasional gimmicks provided that I was coming as well and would often tell me, “oh hija, ikaw na bahala dyan ah”. Like I could stop them from doing whatever they wanted to anyway..

But you see, I’m not that person anymore, nor have I ever really been that person. All that was my other persona, a personality that I’d project to please my parents… I’ve always been that rebellious girl at heart, looking out for opportunities to do the wrong things. One which I remember clearly when I was in back there was when I walked from our house all the way to the church; I got into a lot of trouble and even experienced my worst corporal punishment ever which happens to be the cliché kneeling on mongo beans while holding two volumes of encyclopedia on my outstretched hands for what seemed like hours. Fun noh??

I will be 20 in a month’s time and life has just started to become scary. The inevitable question “what will happen to me after I graduate?” rocks me night after night. I sometimes think that am I having too much fun now? Because I know through experience that whenever im having too much fun, grief comes next. I love my life now, as in loving it. I have the best set of friends anyone can have twisted at times but perfect for me. I make a lot of bad and careless decisions sometimes, no scrap that, make it all the time. but I manage to survive through it, wriggle my way through it. luckily with the right people up there, hehehe talk about good connections. Another reason why i will enjoy another semester, I love you sir!!!

Last week I was stressing about a missed deadline, couldn’t sleep, and couldn’t think out right. All I wanted to happen was for it to come. So it would be just like my irregular routine. but it never came.. during the weekend I summoned up all my courage to take the most difficult test I will ever take especially at my at my age. Not that it was really hard to do but the waiting for the result, the agony, the what if’s and the nervousness that follows, that’s what get you.

I passed it and soon enough a couple of days later I had IT.

This is a new sem, a new revelation, a chance of getting back on track, for chasing my dreams and straightening out my act.

Today is such a heavenly day…

nuthin else matters... @ 12:47 PM